Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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