i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
