If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
