Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
