and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
