If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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