does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
