Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
