he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
