I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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