It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize