He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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