that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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