I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
