I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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