Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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