I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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