Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
