just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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