HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize