maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
