I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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