what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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