just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
