Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
