Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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