it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
