I saw his package. It spoke to me.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize