Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
