I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
