also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
