That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
