I'm really into asian looking animals
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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