I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
