Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
