it wasn't lemon gatorade
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
