You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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