Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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