It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize