I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
