I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
