a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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