So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
