i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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