Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
