I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize