I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
