I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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