If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
