dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
