their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
