she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize