Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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