apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
