he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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