it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
