Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
