I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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