He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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