we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i came on her dog
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
