she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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