She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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