My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
