i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize