you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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