How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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