whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
