I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
