dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
