people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
