If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
