its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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