Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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