There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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