so explain again why im purple
no
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
