so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
