You can't motorboat a personality
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
