what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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