I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
