The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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