We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
