i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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