I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
