I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
