There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
