Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
