My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize