He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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