it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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