I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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