Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize