smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
