omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
