Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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