I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
