hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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